What Narcissistic Abuse Looks Like

Narcissistic abuse often doesn’t look like abuse—at least not at first.

It’s frequently subtle, confusing, and easy to dismiss, especially because it targets your perception rather than your body. Common patterns include:

• Emotional invalidation (“You’re too sensitive.”)

• Gaslighting and denial of your lived experience

• Chronic criticism or shifting goalposts

• Silent treatment or affection withdrawal

• Triangulation or isolating you from support

• Lack of repair or accountability after conflict

From a neuroscience perspective, these behaviors fall into three powerful categories: rejection, isolation, and punishment. Each activates brain circuits associated with social pain, emotional dysregulation, and threat detection—often overlapping with physical pain pathways.

That’s why it hurts so much even when “nothing obvious” happened.

Your biology doesn’t care whether the abuse was loud or quiet. It cares whether you felt safe, seen, and supported.

If you want help identifying these patterns and understanding their effects on your nervous system, check out the Neuroscience of Narcissistic Abuse Coping Kit.

https://www.ecsnar.com/all-coping-kits/p/the-neuroscience-of-narcissistic-abuse-recovery